More about the 2 Month Old Cowboy!

I am so forturnate to work for such an amazing company that has given me so much time off to be with my baby boy. I have had 12 weeks off and I will have another 4 weeks of faze back where I will work part time. As most of you know my hours are very flexiable so even when I do go back full time it will be like part time hours... the beauty of a traveling salesman.... So in prepration of going back to work I am having to find a Nanny to watch Waylon unil June when Nathan can be home with him all summer. Despite the fact that it will only be for 3 days a week 4 hours a day that he will be watched by someone else I am completly falling apart. I am a worker, I love working putting my high heels on and competeing everyday in a high stress work enviorment and I never thought I would not want to keep doing that but a baby will sure change things.
I just can not imange anyone else holding him and knowing just what he needs to get to sleep and what noise he makes when he is hungery and how to make him smile really big... Teering up just writting this... I dont understand how I have tried to protect this little angle for the first two months of his life from sickness and danger and the ulgyness of this world and then one day leave him with someone I have met only a few times and expect her to do the same. Will she wash the pabby under really hot water with soap for at least a minint? Will she wash her hands to the tune of Happy Birthday 2 times after she has used the restroom? Will she make sure he is burpped good enough before she lays him down? Will she play with him on his floor mat or just leave them by himself? Will she pick him up when he is crying or let him cry it out? Will she changes his diaper and clean him properly? Will she hold him all day long, like I do because he is just a baby and he needs to be held? Will she call me a first site of noticing anything different? There are only a million more crazy questions like that going through my head all day every day... The only way I am staying a tab bit sane is because I have prayed about the day I am going to have to leave him and I trust that God will allow Waylon to be protected. So after talking to several differnt people I have found someone to watch my precious baby, I do feel safe with her and fell like she will do a great job. We are going to spend a few hours together next week before I have to go back just to make sure but I think things will be fine. She may think twice after she sees my list of things to do and not to do,,, I wonder if she will be okay with washing her hands to the tune of happy birthday twice, FYI that is the recomenditations for proper cleaning... So also in prepreation of going back to work I have had to start pumping. Thanks to my wonderful sister in-law Keri I have a very high tech brest pump that will really get the job done. I am not great with reading directions or asemblying thigns properly so Nathan was off early last week and we decided this would be the day to get it put together and start the disterbution of milk... He did a great job reading the instructions front to back and got me all set up. As I started getting the milk sucked out of me (litterly) I was watching Waylon swinging and smiling being so good and I was just thinking about how wonderful it has been to be at home and how sad I am going to be to leave him. All the qustions from the above paragraph came into mind and I started boo hooing.. In panic Nathan was reaching for the off switch wondering if I was in some kind of major pain and was relived that it was just me being a new Mom. So I have been pumping for a week stright and have not had it in me to let anyone give him a bottle. Nathan has been home for Spring Break this week so I knew I wanted Nathan to give him his first bottle and this would be the perfect time. A few days went by and I kept putting it off then finaly decided that I had to do this. I ended up having to throw away several bottle of milk aka liquid gold because they sat in the fridge to long, no Keri I did not freeze them becuase I kept thinking I would use them the next day.... So we got the fresh bottle all ready, Nathan sat on the couch I postioned my baby just perfect in his arms with the natural bottles on stand by becuase I just knew my baby whom I have soly given and sustained life for would know the difference between the real thing and some cheap imintaion and it would not be good enough for him. I could just see him wailing and trashing, bottle and milk flying everywhere, he is crying out for me, I sling Nathan aside and come flying to the rescue with what he needs and that is ME and only ME and I save the day. I could see this continuing for the next several months and I would not be able to go back to work because Waylon would have nothing to eat if I did. BUT>>>> that was not the case. Waylon did great, Nathan did great, Me not so well. Despite me having to leave the room because I was crying to hard when I did come back I found the sweetest site, Waylon and his Dad were getting another chance to bond. I have to admit I was walking by Waylon trying to get his attention, I just knew if he saw me then he would need me instead of that cold bottle but no he did fine and eventually I felt peace. The same peace I had prayed for was there. As hard as it is for me to know that someone else is going to be able to give Waylon what he needs to sustain life it is also nice to know.
Waylon has gotten one bottle every day for the past 3 days and has still done great. We found a great Nanny to watch him. He is healthy and happy. He knows and loves his Momma. He knows and loves his Dad. He has fat rolls. He is growing out of his 3 month clothes already. He smiles a lot. He sleeps well. He loves to play on his play mat and has the energy and strength to do so. He is strong. He is Mine and Nathans and he has given us more joy that we could have ever know. He is growing right before our very eyes and as much as I don't want him to grow and I don't want to have to leave him and I don't want anyone else to know just what he needs to be taken care of these are all things I have prayed for and God is answering all of these prayers right before our very eyes.
God is So Good and We are So Thankful!